when bigots speak

I’m deeply insulted today. angry, and insulted..

Don’t think I didn’t notice how I’m the only member of my race holding my post in the discipline my drug belongs to. I’ve known that since the first day I started work. The whole group of reps from my company is not from the race I’m from. Heck with all the onco reps from all onco drug companies covering the whole of the northern region put together, I am still the only one belonging to the race my flesh is heir to. And I’ve known and faced the racisms that comes along with the whole situation - countless times before. I realized I constitute less than 1% of the field’s population and that even if I want to or do scream, my voice gets drown out all the time. Sometimes when they’re about to say something extremist, they’ll tell me they’re not being racist and then proceeded to do just that, thinking just because they already announced before hand that they were not being racists, it excuses their sometimes not-too-subtle bigotry. All the times I’m surrounded by people who were rude enough to speak in their mother tongue that I’m alien to thinking I don’t know what ‘huanna’ or ‘huanna kui’ means and hear them thrashing my race in my face, raining the room with their splashy saliva and bloody malice in their eyes.

But I’m a bigger-picture person. I rise above. I have risen above all these while, I am rising above now and will continue to rise above from here on out. The only reason I’m cutting them slacks is because I don’t know what exactly they talk about even if I do know they’re thrashing my race. At least not one of the coward little poopers had the guts, the vg-s or the balls to say it to my face in a language I understand. But that’s okay, cause none of them, not a single one of them speaks better English than me. And in our working world, that means I’m a rare breed amidst a pack of strays.

So I’m okay because I don’t need to bitch about other races for doctors to never forget me or my name (even after meeting me the first time), or to be the favourite rep with some of the reputationaly-hard doctors and to be memorable and known. I am all of that because I’m one of a kind (how hard is it to remember the only Malay rep right? not hard at all...) and I’m nice too because I don’t trash races. But I try to humiliate the ones who thrash mine because usually I'm above them. So I consider my one-and-only status a plus point instead of a minus. The plus point of being the only different, unique person from the rest of the boring commoners.

Sure at first I get a lot of people who tell me that they’re surprised, impressed even that I’m holding a post they don’t see many of my people hold (as if my people are not smart enough for the job because seriously I know a lot of my people who are way smarter and speak so much better English than some of these pitiful jokers who most probably got the job because their boss is their people). But in time they know that I have this job by earning it through my merit, not because my boss is a Malay. None of my bosses are Malays. And the world in general, even if it may have vaguely done so, don’t always remind me point blank how different I am from the rest of the pack and how I matter less for being the minority race in the field because clearly I’m a lot smarter than most of them.

Until today when someone chose to be point blank and tactless about it. I went to see a physician for the first time today and the hound of an assistant that guards the door said this to me:

Urm.. miss aimy, don’t talk long with doctor ya... This the first time him see Malay rep and he might not very comfortable. (grammar sounded worse if you heard it in person)

What the bloody heck was that supposed to mean ???!!!!

What.. Because I’m a Malay and deserve less time to speak?? I didn’t hear the bloody beasty bitch said that to any of the other reps there. Owh, right, they’re not Malays, none of them were - which means it wasn’t the first time he sees them and so he’s already comfortable with them and their silly unprofessional flirty giggles and butt lifting short skirts right…?? Is that it? So that explained why she was all chummy and buddy with the other reps and kept giving me the evil eye.. I’m not one of them, evidently, that cannot be more obvious than it already is…

Of course I know a dogmatic scum when I hear one so I looked at her wide eyed and gave that vacant uninterested gaze and pretended I didn’t hear her or see her standing there guarding the fortress drooling saliva like a brainless underdog. I could’ve given her a piece of my then-already-insulted mind but I was rising above cause I was not planning to win that battle with a low lifer. I wanted to conquer the war. She was after all not worth my time. A nursing assistant who may not even be a certified nurse is never worth your time, energy or saliva, ever.. She’s the scum at the bottom of the river bed, that fact comforted me…

Turned out the doctor liked me you racist bitch!! He liked me enough to talk to me longer without me imposing my presence on him. He liked me enough to crack an honest joke and laughed with me. He liked me enough to call me back in after I went out just to ask my opinion and get my recommendation All this after only meeting me the first time ever.. First time and he’s already asking me for my recommendation. Eat that you moronic bitch!! But then, I think because I’m nice, so that was easy.

Afterwards I walked, no, gloated out the door hoping she would see the smug in my face to humiliate her. She was probably humiliated, or I’d liked to think so because she came after me trying to suck up to me and hoping I would dismiss her callous shallowness earlier with:
Oh miss aimy, this first time he see Malay rep so maybe he’s excited. So next time you come around this hour is very good. Sometimes got many reps so he don’t want to see reps but when not so busy you can come.

What a sucker..

Of course the first sentence in which she implied he was excited because its probably the first time of him meeting a Malay rep could’ve gone the wrong way if you choose to look at it negatively…

But I’m an above-riser, and she’s a low lifer.
Even if she insulted me, I’m smarter and nicer than her.
Besides, I won the war!
Ah… now I am starting to feel a little sorry for the bitch…