life at its little challenging moments

know what sucks?

17 days to my wedding and everyone around me seems to be impossible to live around with (except my dear fiance coz nowadays he's the only one who gets to listen to my whines coz i made him listen and expect him to soothe me). Sometimes I think they're purposely giving me unnecessary pressures and stresses. huhu

Then, on top of that, I had to stumble upon diary entries of my bitter history in love, of a time much less happier than now. By accident. And they don't leave a good feeling lingering because in all honesty, bad memories never really go away. they just subside for a while until they resurface. Like last night, when they did.

Add to that the fact that a newly married friend of mine who seemed very much stable and in love before her wedding just cried to me about her marriage being more of a bed of thorns instead of roses just 4 days ago. She's the only one of my friednds so far whose feelings before marriage did not get better after that (or at least the only one who actually admitted it to me).

How do all that make me feel? Nervous as hell...

i speak to dear fiance everyday. He's excited and at the same time has put some heavy thoughts about his roles and weighed the heavy responsibilities he has to shoulder as a future husband to yours truly. Sometimes I think he seems too calm for something as big as this. In fact he's doing such a great job guiding me and together urging and prepping me up, mentally and spiritually in stepping towards our sanctious union in just 17 days. I am so proud of him. He has grown so much in so little time, he has become a man so much better than he ever was, probably even better than he expected of himself.

I am excited to get married to him too. He makes me happier everyday just by talking to me (and listen to me whine more lately). But that doesn't change the fact that I still do have the jitters, probably caused by the first three reasons contained in the first three paragraphs of this post. And i think its only natural that I feel that way. Most people I know did. They just didn't tell me until after they got married and then they'll say its perfectly normal. But there are also the other half of the people who feels nothing before their marriage and they tell me that's normal too because after that it all gets better. I'm not sure which is the better feeling to have. Happy but nervous, or just plain indifferent?

oh well, as long as Im happy, i think that's safe.

to fiance, 17days more to go..

let's give our best in this okay. Love ya Hun!!