Today is weird

I am no longer stressed as badly. Family has finally bucked up and started showing more support exactly fourteen days counting down to my big day. I’m guessing it must have been all the dulang hantarans and wedding favours I piled out in the hall, a silent reminder to all that time is running real short and that if nobody starts helping me out with the mountainous work load, HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE. It worked. Now, they daily sit there, hands moving, holding glue guns, making small ribbons, bending flowers, anything to keep the heap getting smaller: eyes darting back and forth between the tv screen and their hands. For once now, I no longer feel so alone preparing for my wedding.


Whatever stress I feel now are more self-imposed because of things I have to do in my to do list. Seeing my money reserves dwindling so speedily and the many unchecked items on the task list sometimes give me panic. But I am a successful procrastinator and I seem to work better under adequate amount of pressure; and money wise, well, they can never be enough anyway no matter how much you have. But daily talks with fiancé balance out any rough edges of my moods so that by the end of each day before I close my eyes to sleep, all I feel is pure contentment no matter how jumbled up my reality has been. Both of us could not hide our pleasure in counting down to our big day. I can’t wait to get this roller coaster feelings of anxiety alternating with excitement over with soon and start being a wife, hihi..


I went to have some documents printed at a cybercafe in bukit jambul this afternoon. Times like these I wish my printer at home didn’t buckled earlier cause clearly, having to get things printed elsewhere from home is such a hassle, and expensive on top of that. And I don’t have an office to misuse its printing privileges at except my mum’s and that too would be a hassle if I have to drive all the way into town just for that. Anyhow, I was trying to print when I heard this guy next to me had this unusually disturbing conversation on his cell. No I did not eavesdropped, it was more like he was broadcasting the conversation. See the CC did not have cubicles that separated each user and their computer with any thin barrier albeit a flimsy one which means, you can basically see what their screen page shows and see their faces when you hear them talk. Which means even if you hunch over to muffle your voice in a phone conversation, chances are people next to you can still hear you clearly and the rest can still see you. This guy next to me knowing the non-existent sense of privacy there, instead of choosing a different time to make that call or move outside and find a more private space, chose however to have his conversation on a loud speaker, letting the whole CC hear him. I’m not sure what he was thinking but it it didn’t make him seem or sound like a very smart person, possibly even a little off somewhere in his cerebrum : and the worse part is he is a school teacher. arent's they supposed to be sensical people even if not very smart? So basically he called his student on his cell. A female student; who judging from her voice and her response to him, seems like a very young girl, maybe 12 or 13 or 14 at the most. I may not get the whole conversation word for word (shucks! I should have recorded it!!!) but this is basically how it went in sequence and I have most of the words in place correct, just to give you a rough idea of what connotations or denotations the conversation has.

Him: Ni cikgu nak tanya ni, mak kamu marah kamu ke? Ke marah cikgu? Apa kamu ckp kat mak kamu?
Her: hmm… takdelah cikgu..
Him: bukan apa, cikgu tanak la kamu atau mak kamu pk lain. Kenapa, kamu ingat cikgu nak mintak apa2 sebagai balasan ker? Janganla pk macam tu, cikgu bagi kamu tuh supaya nak menyenangkan kamu jer bila kamu nak contact cikgu. Janganla anggap cikgu harap apa2 balasan atau nak lain. Cikgu takde maksud lain pun tau.
Her: hmm.. okay..
Him: Kenapa kamu rasa cikgu nak lain ker? Kamu rasa apa..?
Her: takdela. Takde ape2.
Him: haa.. okay janganla anggap lain tau. Cikgu bukan apa, kot kamu nak contact cikgu kat mana2 bila2 masa pun, cikgu nak menyenangkan kamu jer. Kamu bgtau la mak kamu baik2. Cikgu takde niat lain ni tau. Cikgu ikhlas. (i wonder how ikhlas...)
Her: okay.
Him: so kamu okay la ni kan? Kalo kamu okay kamu cakap aper kat cikgu nih?
Her: urm… terima kasih..
Him: Haa… sama-sama. Okay dah, jangan ingat cikgu nak lain k. Malam karang (???!!!) kamu nak kol cikgu pun bolehla, kalo nak tanya apa2. Okay. Gi blaja leklok. Bye

The whole time he was having that high pitched conversation with the voice of the girl at the receiving end of the line laughing nervously and talking very minimally back to him, I had my eyes on my screen amending my document, in my mind thinking “what a pervert!!” From the conversation, there are a few things we know and few more to imply in context. He’s a teacher. She’s his student. These cannot be more obvious. But we also know he gave her something as a present (that is conspicuously disturbing in nature of his intentions) which led on to them having this conversation. ‘That’ something could either be prepaid top-up, a postpaid account or a cell phone (because it was meant to make it easier the means for her to contact him). And him repeatedly saying he wasn’t expecting anything back in return even when the poor nervous girl said okay, sounded more like he was convincing himself of it, not anyone else; like he needed everyone to believe that his reasons for doing it is honourable and justified. Well, if anything it made me feel disgusted. So disgusted was I I didn’t even turn to have a look at his face. I just wanted to leave. Maybe that was a mistake. I should’ve looked him in the eye and gave him a disbelieving and disapproving look and remember never to send any of my kids in the future to his school. I didn’t. I printed quickly and left, feeling disconcerted, thinking what else is wrong with our education system? I pitied the girl, she sounded slightly contemptuous but very nervous – uncomfortable and impatient to end the conversation but kept at it because he was her teacher. Even when she said “terima kasih” it didn’t at all sound like she was thankful. I could imagine being her, putting down the phone and feeling sickened and revolted of the conversation I just had. Because I apparently had that experience before although not with a teacher-but a senior. Imagine her emotions when thinking about going to school the next day. poor girl..


To add to the weirdness of today, I saw a man who spit and kept his phlegm in a small round transparent Tupperware (the usual kind they sell tau foo fah in). Ugh, Disgusting! I was sitting a few feet away from him and quickly left before I puked. you gotta admit, he was being civic minded, not littering the world with his unsightly bodily fluids or discharges but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a little eww… okay, maybe not a little, but very EEEWWWWWW!!!! but let’s not judge him. I think it’s a good way to dispose of your own shit, not dirty the world with it but your own Tupperware even if I may not do it. I just wished he’d used a non-transparent container. I cursed myself for catching that Tupperware in my sight, I’m possibly gonna have nightmares now because of it. Huhu..


But today didn’t end so badly. While asking my young auntie to buy burgers for my family (because we were late and missed the famous nasi lemak we wanted at the pasar malam), the abang burger added a free egg to one of the burgers telling my aunt to give it to the one who paid for all the burgers (we bought nine because my two brothers would need two each). He saw me giving the money to my aunt in the car because he was sitting right in front of us when I stopped the car. I turned to look at him in my gesture to say thanks, he nodded and smiled. I didn’t finish the burger. My brothers did. Hihi… but anything for free is nice isn’t it?