Emotional..

...is what I am right now.

That certain time, sometimes, when nothing seems to truly be in the absolute right, and every small thing seems to annoy the hell out of me.. I'm having that now, and it's not something I can control very well either. Its nature dictated, something I used to credit myself for not falling prey to, I have now succumb to the force. Its a woman thing. Our weapon, with nature on our side, and men of the world have no choice but to excuse us for it.

I'd choose to be tougher if its an easier choice. Its not, not by any means, easy.

Alas, I found it easier to just let this tumultous emo-yoyo take over. Resist too much and you yourself crumble under all the insane hypersensitivity. The only thing I'm good at though is keeping it under radar from the masses. I may lack some lustre for life in this moment in time, but at least when you see me, yes, I may not be jumping in joy, but I believe I don't look so lifeless either.

I was overwrought with sadness, (maybe a little too extreme by normal standard, excusable only because I'm not emotionally normal right now) over a thing that, unfortunately, is not exactly small. Even if I wasn't hormonal, it would've caused me much distraught, but I am, so that effect probably more than tripled. In my head, I staggered with forced composure, failing miserably, stumbling, crying. Physically, that act ensued. I'm not in my most normal state of mind right now, fiance tried making small of it, pacifying me, to no avail. No matter what he said to make me feel better, that feeling of it being okay didn't last. Too soon I fell back into that abyss, again.

Maybe because it meant so much to me that to have lost it makes me incredibly sad I wanted to turn back time just to be able not to miss it. So badly that I wish I have a time machine at my disposal, i find it really hard to get over this particular glitch.

The only reason I'm speaking in tongues right now is because writing out the exact issue WILL only make me feel worse about it, and I am already at this point, beyond distraught I don't need it in black and white to remind me of my terrible inadequacy. I know I'll remember this for an indefinite time, regretting it deeply. But like fiance said, no matter how incredibly sad i get, its already over and done with and all I can do now is move on from here, learn to look at it in a more positive manner. He eventually proposed a solution, although not ever going to be equal in substitute, managed to ease off some of these extreme emotional melt down I'm having.

I'm still incredibly sad over it, I don't how long I'll be able to look past this, but me being incredibly sad, that I cannot help for now, exaggerated for being hormonal (it'll last, but for a while). But me trying to take it in a more positive manner and move on with not so much a heavy heart, that I can try, for my sake and his.

And I will.

Pray for me